A Question of Us
by MsWriterTee
Summary: A missing scene one shot from 'Not Tomorrow Yet,' Season 6-Episode 12. Michonne has a question for Rick "Would there be an 'us' if Jessie had lived?" This scene takes place just after the meeting at the church, when the community learns they are taking out the Saviors' outpost.


Rick rolled his shoulders, attempting to alleviate the tension tightening his neck as he marched from the church. He owed Morgan his life, and he thought of him as a good friend, but the man's 'all life is precious' stance was trying him sorely. His decision for the community to become what was tantamount to guns for hire wasn't reached easily, but they needed food, and after the encounter Sasha, Abraham, and Daryl had on the road, these Saviors were as much a threat to them as they were the Hilltop. If getting rid of them brought safety and a constant supply of food to Alexandria, it was a choice he could live with.

"Morgan had good intentions," Michonne said, catching up to Rick. "You asked for alternative opinions."

"You don't think I'm wrong, do you?" Rick asked the question knowing Michonne would give him a direct, unfiltered answer. There was no one's opinion he valued more.

Michonne stopped walking and took his hand. "No. We needed something to barter with Hilltop, and the Saviors are a threat. We are good at handling threats and we need the food. This is the answer. It's not pretty or easy, but it's about survival."

Rick smiled and gave her a kiss. "You always understand," he said, caressing her cheek.

"Most of the time, but there are some things I just…" Her words ended in a deep sigh. Trouble invaded her pretty face. Her eyes narrowed, gaze shifted.

"What?" Rick looked over his shoulder to see what had brought the little furrow to the middle of her forehead. The Anderson house. That explained the look, and this was something they'd never talked about. "Michonne…"

She walked up the steps to the porch, stopping at the owl Jessie had been working on before the walker horde arrived. Michonne liked cats. Cats were agile, flexible, and curious. Owls were perceived as wise, but they mostly just sat in the dark. He was in the dark when he met Jessie, but Michonne was the light, his heart. She'd always been.

Michonne picked up the owl that the last two months had coated in a thin layer of dust. The look on her face pensive, yet circumspect. Rick followed her on the porch and touched her shoulder. "Ask whatever it is," he said. "I'll answer."

"Would there be an 'us' if Jessie had lived?"

Of all the questions she could've asked, that one he didn't expect. The answer was so simple. "Michonne?" Rick returned the owl to its perch on the work table and took her hands in his, kissing them. "Yes. Absolutely, yes. You know how I feel about you."

"I do." She nodded. "You showed me and told me last night."

Rick smiled at the mention and a familiar stirring settled in his jeans. They'd made love most of the night and earlier this morning before they were so rudely interrupted by the fire-cracker popping ninja. Their time was glorious. Unplanned, but not unexpected. He told her he loved her, and he did. He loved her so much.

Michonne walked around the porch, her hands extended outward. "But what was all this?" she asked. "What was she?"

"A bridge."

"A bridge?" she repeated, shrugging.

"From my past to my future. When you walked up to the gate at the prison, Lori had just died. It had barely been two days, but there was something about you." He fingered one of her locs. "This woman covered in blood, a sword strapped to her back, carrying the formula that would sustain my daughter's life." Rick rubbed her shoulders. "You were salvation, and I was drawn to you from that moment. I didn't like it, but I was. Back then, I wasn't in a good place mentally. Missing Lori, seeing and hearing what wasn't there. At first, I thought I had imagined you."

"I didn't imagine you saw a lot of limping black women covered in walker blood around those parts."

Rick smiled, appreciating her play on words. "Wasn't a regular occurrence. I looked up, and I saw you comin'." His knuckles grazed her cheek. She was flawless. "You being so beautiful and making me feel somethin' other than misery only added to my confusion. When I realized you were real, it made me…"

"Act like an ass?" she offered.

Rick chuckled. "I was gonna say angry, but ass works. Nobody tried me like you did. I didn't know what to make of you. This stranger who told me what I didn't want to hear, but was always right."

"How does Jessie fit into this?"

"From the time you came to the prison until we pulled up outside these gates, something was always happening. The Governor and losing the prison and Hershel, Joe and his men, Terminus, Eugene's lie, losing Beth and Tyreese, all those days on the road. It was always something." Rick leaned on the porch railing, looking out over the community. "Then, we got here. This time out of time. Unexpected normalcy in a world gone mad. High walls, fancy homes, hot water, electricity. It seemed unreal. When I got to the house, I took a shower and shaved. Normal. Then Jessie appeared, dressed in a plaid shirt like Lori used to wear and carrying a laundry basket. Laundry is what Lori considered normal before and after the world changed. Jessie offered to give me a haircut. Like Lori did for Carl and me."

"Lori?"

"Uh-huh. I cried during that haircut. All these reminders of Lori, it made me realize I'd never really let her go. I kept going, but I didn't truly let her go. Somethin' else always pushed it aside." Rick turned to her. "You said to Glenn and me, when we took Noah home and found it gone, that you can be out here too long. We were out there too long. I was.

"I came to Alexandria because you wanted it and I couldn't refuse you anything." He walked to the other side of the porch, taking in all the homes. "But when we got here, to all this normal that was so abnormal, I was gone. Here, but not here. Back to where I was when Lori had died, and surrounded by new people who didn't know how to fight, to survive, and didn't realize they had to know. It was infuriating." He turned to Michonne. "You had to knock me out to get my head straight, and it helped. I needed that. But this place, these homes, it's what Lori always dreamed of having. And here was Jessie, a Lori in this strange world when I was in my strange place here." He tapped his head. "It was a lot."

"She was married, Rick."

"It wasn't about that. It was what she represented. That housewife in plaid who needed saving from an angry husband. A chance to make right what went wrong with Lori."

"Did you sleep with her?"

Rick shook his head, approaching her. "No, never." He drew a sharp breath, he had to tell her everything. "There - there were a couple of kisses."

"A couple of kisses?"

"Yes." He returned to her. "Michonne, I'm sorry. I -"

She held up her hand. "You don't have to apologize, Rick." Michonne lowered her hand, sighing. "I didn't enjoy hearing that, but we weren't together. It's why I never asked about her and whatever this was back then. I didn't want to know. I knew being here was hard for you, and you needed space for this thing with Jessie, so I gave that to you." She exhaled deeply. "But we're together now, and I need to know. Were you falling in love with her? Lori 2.0?"

"No." He shook his head. "It wasn't like that."

"Yet, you kissed her - a couple of times."

"I did, and I killed her, and that's the point. That's what freed me."

"You said we'd be together if she lived, but how can that be if killing her is what freed you?"

"Because it was never about feelings for Jessie." Rick trailed his fingers up and down Michonne's arms. She closed her eyes, sighing softly. His heart swelled. Damn, how he loved her. Michonne's eyes fluttered open and her head tilted slightly to the side. The way she looked at him, those brown eyes full of love. No judgments, just openness, honesty. She was everything to him. "Not ever.

"Michonne, I have loved two women in my life: Lori and you. For so many reasons, we couldn't explore what was happening with us, and then we got here. On one hand, I saw this manifestation of Lori living in a community where she always wanted to be. And on the other hand there was you. My sounding board. The one person I could always depend on; my counsel; my parenting partner; this sexy, sword-wielding woman who was more than I could ever dream. Someone who understood me and accepted me as I was and who I'd come to care about so deeply. You deserved the best of me, Michonne, and I wanted to give you all of me, but..."

"Lori?"

"Yes." Rick backed against the porch railing. "When we went to King County for the guns and found Morgan, he told me about how he lost his son. That his wife, who had turned way back in the beginning, had killed Duane. He saw it happen." Rick sighed. "Before I went to find Carl and Lori, I had left a gun and scope with Morgan, but he couldn't kill his wife. It was only after she had attacked Duane that he was able to do it. Morgan said everything was red when he killed Jenny and when he saw her attack Duane. I saw a lot of red when we got to Alexandria. Specifically, a red balloon."

"A red balloon?" she said curiously.

"Yeah. Just floating here and there. I don't know if it was real or I was imagining it, like the things I imagined after Lori died, but I always saw it. Carl stopped Lori from turning after she gave birth to Judith. Carl did it, not me. As Morgan told me of his struggle to kill Jenny and what it cost him, it hit me how much it sounded like my relationship with Lori before she died. We were having problems, and I couldn't get past them. I was trying, but... I was selfish and weak, like Morgan said he was when he couldn't kill Jenny."

"You had a lot of guilt after Lori's death."

"Guilt and regret, with no outlet. It simmered for a long time, but Jessie and the night of the horde brought it to a head. When she held onto Carl's hand, screaming while we were in the middle of those walkers, putting his life in danger like Jenny did with Duane, I finally did what I had to do. What I didn't have the opportunity to do with Lori. And like Morgan, I saw a haze of red. So much red. But unlike him, I freed my son and myself, and I was able to say goodbye to Lori."

"You stopped wearing your ring the next day."

"Yes, because Jessie was my Lori closure. It was never about her. I chose you a long time ago, Michonne, but I couldn't receive you until I said goodbye to Lori and I dealt with the trauma we endured since the prison fell. Coming here made that happen. You did." Rick curled his arms around Michonne's waist and brought her close to him. Her body so soft, so perfect against his. "You make me so happy. Lori was my first love, but, you, you are my true love, Michonne. So, yes, there would've been an 'us.' I told Carl what you and I have is different, because I've never felt so complete. You are my better half." He kissed her softly and trailed kisses on her neck. "I have wanted last night for a long time, and you were worth every second of the wait. I hope I was."

"Absolutely." Michonne pecked his lips, raking the thick curls in the back of his head. "You made me see Jesus, remember?" She laughed.

Rick joined in her merriment. "That's a good one." He pressed his forehead to hers when their laughter stopped. "You have any more questions?"

"Just one." She plucked the owl from the table. "Can we burn this?"


End file.
